Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
