Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just gargled with NyQuil
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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