some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
