I'm eating all of the evidence.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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