And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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