dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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