Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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