...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize