textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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