in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
