I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
