What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
