How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
