p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
