I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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