How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
how drunk are you?
Several
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
