what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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