Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
