I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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