but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
