if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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