Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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