i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
