I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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