I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize