i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
