Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
