i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
