she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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