My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
are you so shy because you have an std?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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