Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have fence marks all over my body
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
