He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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