It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
