I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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