I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
