Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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