you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
