if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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