pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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