.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
