everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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