In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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