just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
