So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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