New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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