I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize