I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
