Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
