Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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