I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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