I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize