dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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