Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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