his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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