My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
