stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
