This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
