Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
