Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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