After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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