Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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