I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
