You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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