alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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