I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
