you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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