Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
