so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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