oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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