Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
