You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
