so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize