somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
