had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my liver is dry heaving
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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