Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
