shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
