The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
